The one where I explain what I believe

Thank you to everyone who took the time to read my last post. Confident though I am in my decision, it was still an anxiety inducing experience. Luckily I have many supportive friends and a few supportive family members who took the time to comment. I am grateful for the respect I was shown by those family members and friends I can only assume read the post and didn't send any negativity my way.

A friend messaged me privately afterward and asked me a question I have heard several times before. It's one I would have and did ask others who stopped believing before I transitioned out of my faith. The general question is, "Well now that you don't believe in Mormonism, what belief have you replaced that with?" 

Now, I struggled with this in the beginning. I had lived a life of religious structure. I was raised to say "I know", not "I believe" (which I find to be more accurate). I thought that people, when lacking a system of religious guidance, would automatically turn to drugs, crime and violence. I can't count the number of times I have heard in church, and personally said, things like, "I don't know where I would be without the gospel, maybe on a street corner somewhere...". 

What I've discovered, is that often people try to be good just because. I no longer believe that religion is what keeps our most base instincts at bay. I believe people want to be kind, loving, and considerate because they know they would like to be treated that way. People want to live The Golden Rule, but for no particular religious reason, just due to human decency.

Take racism, for example. In one Duke University Study, there was little to no racism found among religious agnostics, as opposed to their religious counterparts. In another multi-generational psychological study, they found "high levels of family solidarity and emotional closeness between parents and nonreligious youth, and strong ethical standards and moral values that had been clearly articulated as they were imparted to the next generation". A reporter for the LA Times spoke to one of the main authors of the study by the name of Bengtson, A USC professor who said, "Many nonreligious parents were more coherent and passionate about their ethical principles than some of the ‘religious' parents in our study. The vast majority appeared to live goal-filled lives characterized by moral direction and sense of life having a purpose.”

I now see how misguided my original notion was. If the only things keeping you from raping, pillaging and murdering are heavenly reward and punishment, you might be a sociopath. We can be kind to each other because we want others to feel happiness, and because it makes us happy. We can be decent because we want others to be decent to us. We don't need any more reason than that. I reject the idea that we need someone to suffer for our "sins". I reject the idea that men are fallen, and we need heavenly intervention to escape our miserable state of unworthiness.

As an aside, I don't think religion makes everyone treat others poorly. But it often does. So don't take this as a personal affront. Or maybe do, if you are one of those people and are mature enough to recognize it and make changes. And I don't look down on people for simply being religious, just because I'm not. However, I do not respect those who use it as an excuse to act better than anyone else.

With what have I replaced my belief? With an understanding that often, dogmatic beliefs don't foster love. They don't always foster understanding. They can foster intolerance. They can promote the idea that some people are elite, or chosen of god, while others are to be looked down upon and dismissed. They treat their idea of morality as an absolute, rather than personal, and at times attempt to force their moral ideas on others (anybody heard of Kim Davis?). I believe all people are equally deserving of love and understanding. That goes for those who believe in Buddha, Christ, Allah, and the Flying Spaghetti Monster. 

I have no more authority to comment on what any deity wants than the pope, the prophet of the mormon church, or any other pastor or religious authority. I believe in the need to leave people and places better than you found them. I want to believe that there is more after this life, but frankly I have no idea. All I have is hope. For me, that's enough. We all want love, we all want acceptance, and when we can give that to others and find the same in return, we will all find happiness. It's simply human nature.

So haven't replaced my religious beliefs with any other structured belief system. That doesn't mean I don't believe in anything, as I have stated. It just means that structured and/or dogmatic beliefs are no longer helpful for me. I find more happiness without them.